...and it is a fact
that the garden can comfort in different ways
reflect on the outside how you feel on the inside
lost abandoned frightened alone
an ill wind blowing your parts around
it is good that the garden can speak
the unspeakable
why it would be a sin for flowers to bloom now

This morning I peeked through the shutter and saw the female cardinal
munching on sunflower seeds
How there were any left after yesterday's theft by the rascal squirrel
I'll never know
I guess he must be up the tree with a huge belly ache...not..little fur piggies they are
All I did was to put the bag down for a minute to pick up some garbage
that had blown around the yard...and whammo..off he ran with the bag of seed
This happened to me once before...only it was a paper bag of tulip bulbs!
They were the color of a candy lipstick I used to treasure as a child
a pretty pink stick wrapped in gold foil......ah, I thought...lipstick candy growing in my garden
ha!....off ran the thief with my tulip bulbs...and there wasn't thing I could do about it
except learn...never leave any munchies within sight of a squirrel
Well, I'm glad there were a few seeds left for the cardinal
It was  morning joy to see her.
I'm off to get my haircut today...I am weeks overdue for a cut
oh , I am a sight
I only hope Tom doesn't give me a cut like hers

This is what happens to a squirrel who runs off with the seed bag...
the whole bag!
care to throw a rotten tomato?
tomorrow... ankle bracelet

zinnias
I will have to plant more of them this year,
such butterfly magnets.
Usually I think of this when it is about late July and too late,
...when I see them at public garden displays,
or worse, my neighbor's yard.
Planning...it takes planning
and speaking of this, I have spent a few hours scouring my garden books
yes, garden books in January
I have been searching for some ideas on how to change my garden
I am taking down the deck...don't know why I even put it up-
it separates you from the garden...be done,be gone.

However..I paused.....my animal guide,the old fox,is under there
it's his burial ground....I know because I looked and saw all of his bones
lying in perfect form....like he just laid down and died there..which is what he did.
What do I do about that?
plan around it? Will the landscapers think I'm loco for sure,
after all I am the one who calls them to trim, then stops them when I spot nests in the honeysuckle-
they nod...but I know they think I'm loco.
What will they think when they start to take down the deck and find these bones?
Oh my ...what if they find Handsome's bones or the tortoise shell of my missing turtle?
Oh my...I better do some more thinking and reading.
I wonder if there is a book on this?

Ah, (I say that a lot, don't I?)

ah, a glorious January morning

sunny, blue sky,brisk air

air..so wonderful to walk in

refreshing..what else can I say?

You who live with warmth all the time

you don't know what you are missing

The garden was welcoming this morning,

the ground stiff from freeze as I walked along its path,

a slight crunch under my feet as I stepped on the stiff blades of summer's grass

now asleep

Sleep on

The birds were eager, perching on nearby branches

begging as a high art form
joy....I hear the blue jay, and the chickadees
and just beyond the yard,the goldfinches.
As I filled the feeders and scattered seed on the ground for the mourning doves
I happened upon a rabbit hunched behind the trellis,
he stayed as still as guilt,
not even his nose moving.
How happy I was to see him...he has been absent lately
 from my cast of characters that make my garden home.....
But the wards gathered here this morning on this beautiful January morning
to announce...it's here
winter.....feed us
and keep the water bowl full
Sadly...there will no stray kitty for me to take care of this year

RIP

my beloved Handsome

oh how my heart aches and breaks to see you again

Such a joy to spot an unknown nest in bare branches of trees in wintertime

and the cheerful chickadee dee dee of this wonderful

bird as it darts among the branches of the alder tree

and bunny hiding  :)

and before I go inside to get to work

I stop to notice the morning sun

gliding across the Terra cotta pot

joy

a flash of red in my peripheral vision

Squirrel doing his sun salutation

I stepped inside filled with January morning joy

and the wench is happy

A dusting of snow this morning, and of course the beggars showed up
so I tossed out a handful of seeds-too lazy to put on my coat and fill the feeders.
Yes, lazy...winter does that to me...too often
I heard the weather report...it is going to be in the teens by evening...with bitter winds
and by Friday it may be 50.....what is happening ?
I have this sense of delayed misery....I was agonizing over the inevitable bleakness of winter
as I was standing in the glory of red and yellow leaves...and I have been waiting for it to happen
The garden hasn't really gone to sleep..why there are plants that are still green
and I even scoured the yard for a flower...so ceratin I would find one hiding just under
a cover of green leaves!
Come, oh winter, come
I have prepared my heart for you
Do not make me wait any longer
for I will be vanquished with longing
for your treasures.....that I know you will bring
warm cozy house
good simmering soups
the joy of indoor flowers on my violets and oxalis
come winter come
slay me with your romantic blizzards
your tingling breath in my nostrils as I clear away the path of white
come winter come
I have made way for your return
so come winter come

I like lichen, moss,green stuff on trees.
If I squint a bit I can use my child's eyes and see
as if I were looking out of a helicopter ..looking down seeing the rainforest
yes I could....now if a native steps out and waves...I'm in trouble
But bless the child that still sees and still takes a breath of joy
of secret discovery all her own

oooo! look at the pattern of ice in the garden dish
have you ever wondered ...why such details?
in everything?

humbling, it is

40, and still growing strong

Would you believe that this plant is over 40 years old?
My husband bought it for me in our first year of marriage
when we lived in a tiny furnished apartment....ah those were the good old days
We had a tiny little room in the back...that was always bathed in sunlight
and I loved plants...so quickly it became our plant room....oh the luxury of youth
I recall with sweetness the sweet potato that I stuck into a vase of water....and it grew all around the room
our Landlady was amazed......she couldn't grow or cook a thing
Me...green thumb in my DNA
I lugged those plants around to 5 houses throughout the years
and this is the only one left.....I had a mother in law tongue that I finished off two years ago....leaving her outside too long....oh woe
But, this asparagus fern is well and growing.....my daughters fight over who will get it
Hey, where do you think I'm going?
Once while visiting my son in Laguna Beach, California....I saw that they grew there abundantly
...in his neighborhood...thorns and all.....lovely seeing them growing that way
I often feel sad for plants imprisoned in pots....oh, I know I am a bit of a ditz this way
and cut flowers bother me too...once wrote a whole essay about that
anyway......I love this fern.....this lifelong companion..this reminder of the man who gave it to me
and the 41 years...today...that we enjoy

The garden waits,
as do I, for winter to move in.
We have been teased by warmer than usual weather
and only a brushing of snow,once
and not on Christmas
I left my tray of goodies out on Christmas Eve for my wards
nuts,fat,greens,bread cubes,seeds,berries
my annual Christmas offering to them
In the morning everything was gone
last night I looked out to see a possum sniffing around the dry grasses
I have not forgiven him for killing my squirrel
But I don't know why it happened...maybe my squirrel was sick or injured
and he just happened upon him..sniffing around one night
It is a good thing to let it go...to be part of the garden
and let it go..let it be...let it happen
hard as this is for me to do..I, who want to control my environment sometimes
to become one with the garden...even now... as we wait for winter
some green still showing

dead vines on brick wall
shadows look like skeletons
winter soltice day

It is a dreary day today, gray skies, annoying drizzle
little bird or squirrel activity
and while walking along the muddy garden path
I realized it has really arrived
the time of no color
Humans ,I think,
aren't meant to go through this deprivation
it must have something to do with that darn angel
sent to guard the way in
For surely, this is punishment

Sometimes the garden seems like an assemblage
...a bit of this and that
layered upon layer
until you stand back and say
Oh my!...
even in the last days of autumn

 I went inside

and had fun with the sun

outside

All I could think of this morning
was the line from the movie,Oliver...."More please"
Like hungry orphans my resident wards
showed up early, sitting up and begging on the deck
not 9 of them(thinking of you Witch)...only 3 this time
I threw out a few peanuts and some low carb bread
they scampered quickly to grab what they could and headed to the safety of the branch
As you can see we had a dusting of snow
....a reminder that it begins:
winter

 

It's like seeing in black in white

...going into the garden

a bit of wheat color here

a shade or two of muted green

dried crumbles of leaves fading fast their autumn colors

Even the sky is white/gray

and the rain only sets the mood

like a cemetary

full of stories

unspoken

I counted nine squirrels just a few feet from my deck

Must be the pumpkins

Now I ask you...is it fair for my squirrel wards

to pass the word?

I don't think so....

It reminded me of the time we had 4 cats

It wasn't bad until we saw them all lined up at the food bowls

yikes...that's a lot of kitty kat

As is 9 squirrels

but gee they are so cute

and my hubby is still in the hospital

what he doesn't see won't hurt him

.....and I won't tell him that I found the birdfeeder heater

either..

well..........the little guys have to drink

after all that pumpkin

cheer and joy

I have needed these little breaks......these walks in the garden

I need to look for joy....

Today it is chilly and the skies are a white gray

not my favorite kind of sky....I could use a heartache blue sky

but I am not the stage manager...so gray sky it is

the ground is wet and in some places muddy...with little footprints

from the grand kids a day or so ago when one of them tripped and knock a tooth loose

....an unexpected trip to the dentist followed

But this morning it is just me

I communed with the garden...quietly praying as I took each step

The garden...the ordinary garden...the ordinary

how I wish every day could be ordinary

But the garden reminds me that even in the depths and ending of autumn

heading into winter...there is life

a sudden discovery of a bloom...surrounded with dried up leaves

leaves...leaves that have released and accepted their fate

returning to the earth to become part of her

The squirrels ...6 of them!...are scurrying about

leaping and jumping.....they always bring a smile to my face

 They have found the pumpkins I put out a day ago

Maybe next spring I will have big yellow blossoms

springing up in secret places....maybe I'll have a pumpkin or two

oh joy...unexpected joy and anticipation

yes, I needed this walk

this ordeinary stroll through barreness

that wasn't really barren at all

but filled with joy

We had our first snowflakes this morning
hardly noticeable
I put the pumpkins out for the squirrels
The ground is wet from yesterday's rain
It rained most of the day
while I stayed inside putting up the tree
I put a log in the fireplace, put on Christmas Carols
lit candles,baked cookies
But my eyes were always looking outward
through the glass...to the remaining leaves of Autumn
then to the one remaining flower huddling close to the brick wall
The garden is leaving..going underground
dropping its garments....what remains is exposure
enabling me to see the bones of the plants and trees
their structure
Soon it will look like a barren land
not a garden space of joy
But the wards will still come to cheer me each day
and some days I will suffer watching them suffer
bitter cold winds and deep snow
But I must remind myself that winter's blue skies are the best
and seeing my breath on such a day is a thrill
and some days it even feels warm
and winter beauty is a different kind of beauty
it is footprints in the snow...birds at feeders, squirrels with snow covered faces
and of course the stray or two who alway manage to find my door
where they are welcome
On Christmas Eve I put out a special tray for my wards filled with goodies for all
left over bits of nuts and fruit and bread,bits of ham and turkey
to thank them
 for all the joy they bring me
So today I will finish all the house decorating
then I'll take a walk,check out what berries still remain on the bushes

who will love the little sparrow...will no one write her eulogy?

The common sparrow

I give thanks for this cheerful bird

ordinary and messy in its nest building

but a tenacious caretaker of its young

And it is nests in my birdhouses

I love to pass by the nursery and hear the peeps

calling for mom or dad

...hungry mouths sometimes reaching their soft yellow beaks out

of the entry

When I stop and speak to them they pull in and mother usually

sits in a branch, mouth full of small moth...and waits

I speak to her too

Don't worry mom...I'm going..thank for nesting here

in my Open Bar of Joy

Sparrows are the birds I remember while growing up in Chicago

No vast gardens in my neighborhood

but the sparrows were always there for this little girl

sometimes dozens of them perching in a snowball bush

chirping so loudly that my grandfather complained

about the noise and the feather and other stuff mess that they left behind

But I loved their cheeriness

...part of my budding love for birds and all things of nature

And then there was the despised pigeon that roosted on the electric wires

in the alley....I loved their cooing in late afternoon sun

This I had to keep to myself....Grandma hated them

I don't hate anything

I now see these poor birds as the underclass of the bird world

brought here by humans.....trying to survive

yes, they are messy....but that must be their way...encased in their genes

and humans brought them here to this foreign environment

and learned to adapt

humans....always messing with things

I will never forget the time I saw one dead in a parking lot

and its mate kept poking it trying to stir it

it did it for an hour

We are all connected in this universe

surely, we must have empathy and concern for such suffering

even in a lowly bird

So this morning I was glad this sparrow

perched and looked at me and posed

 a prince to me

JOY

There is always wonder in the garden

even on the bleakest days

It's my attitude that must be adjusted

to allow me to open up

and see

hear

feel

smell

touch it

I wish you could hear the wind bell

so ethereal

I wish you could see the light

illuminating this glass star

or wish that you could smell the wet earth

one of the gardens best fragrances

It is getting colder each day...but on Thanksgiving it will be 58!

the Creator gives

I must open to receive

The little chickadee in the Alder tree

sings away....chick-a-dee-dee-dee

...better than Pavarotti

...my heart wide open

expanding

It was a delightful sunny,windy afternoon.

...whirling leaves, bending boughs

blustery bird wings

ahhh

and shadow...that glorious companion of light

This may be the best part of season change

the change in light

almost as if it is sent to distract us from the ordinary duties of the garden

Who cares about anything else while in the garden when slanted glorious rays of sun

are penetrating through the ordinary debris of summer?

Oh and the sky was so blue and the wind made itself known by its sound

I just stood and listened to its serenade

Okay, I'm in love...

I too will turn and face the sun

perch awhile, let my ruffled feathers settle down,

sit in the blue of the sky

Little red feathers...

 help me see the swelling bud

 just at the end of the branch

The maple shed her leaves
they gathered around her like a fallen gown
smitten instantly by autumn
true and utter love in his arms

Not just a tree rat,but a ward

 

I have been without a computer...oh woe

I hope someone has cared, for isn't that the fun of blogging?

The garden is almost put to sleep; we have had some glorious warm days

mingled in with the blasty windy days and chilly nights

This morning I spotted Boo staring out of the patio door

his body rigid ....hmmmm...means something

So I wandered over and sure enough, there it was ..a mouse

hiding behind a remaining flower pot

He was munching on a sunflower seed

unaware of Boo watching his every move

It hasn't been a good week in the garden for me...

one night ago I looked out on the yard before turning in for the night...

I always do.....sometimes I catch a raccoon walking by or a possum

or who knows what else......I love that the wild loves my garden

Well, I spotted two kinds of fur rumbling just beyond the deck....

then I spotted what was a squirrel tail flying around with a possum tail

oh no!

I ...without thinking...ran outside to break up the fight (I have been known to do that with humans too :0 )

but the possum wouldn't let go....so I banged and shouted..until he scampered away

I searched for the squirrel in the dark....couldn't find him

went inside to get a flashlight.....found him.....curled up in a fetal position....a tiny little squirrel

oh dear.....

I covered him with a large flower pot so the possum wouldn't find him

But in the morning he was stretched flat out on the ground under the pot

dead

Oh my little ward...all night I lay awake thinking of ways I could help you in the morning

thinking of which crazy vet would look at you

think of ways to build a nest in the tree to put you in

thinking of everything in order to not feel the great sadness

that I would feel in the morning

I just confess to being a lover of animals...all animals

they are a gift for me from God...they have seen me through many a sad time

they bring me joy.....

I hoped all night

...hope

a great thing God has hardwired in me

but this time he said ...no

My little ward was dead in the morning

I buried him under leaves...I think he would of liked that...

my husband will never understand how hard I take

the well being and death of an animal

....I have been like this since I was little...bandaging a garter snake that had been cut

by a lawnmower.....a band-aide bandage on a snake...really

I lost a moment of joy in my open bar of joy

but I always give into the new moment

and joy is always there

..now how do I tell that little mouse that Harry Hawk

loves mice...and would love to meet him? 

safe journey my little friend

While raking, I looked up and saw light

passing through the Japanese Maple leaves

I stopped and beheld

ah...the garden keeps giving

Sometimes I think

heaven opens 

and we see a bit of it

or feel it 

or taste it

It is in the slant of light

illuminating the colors of the leaf

in late afternoon

and in the smell of the earth

wet from a rain

almost fooling me to think
 it could be spring,that is the new life guest
 soon to arrive

The wind has blown warm a few times lately

stopping me at the store, in the parking lot,

stopping me to look at lowly pigeons

scurrying around for bits of nourishment

in the scattered debris of human consumption

Lowly pigeons sharing in the illusion of Springtime

in the throws of Autumn

Soon it will be bitter and the daylight will be shorter

and I will scurry like the pigeons...

scurrying in and out of car and buildings

seeking refuge and nourishment

unaware most times that in winter

heaven opens, too

Today, it is going to be 65

a blessing

The colors of autumn are fading

but they are still to be had

I shall walk in the garden today

fill the feeders and birdbaths

rake a bit

and I shall sit

and enjoy your grace

oh dear Lord

for this marvelous day

a day of life

given

So much family stuff going on

the garden has been neglected these past days

But I have a new visitor coming to the door

I thought at first it was Handsome, but alas, it was not to be

Oh how my heart breaks to speak of that old cat

and how I miss him

Truly I miss his grumpy face at the door every morning

insisting on a certain menu

His royal highness, feral cat supreme

I wish to think of him like my cat, Buster,who 16 years ago got out and never returned

I like to think of Handsome with him now, in an old lady's house...keeping her company

giving her hope, and joy and companionship

...say it is so dear Lord...that there is a place as this for lost pets

Now I am the old lady....feeding this rascal

He is very frightened....so by time I get my camera..he is gone

so excuse the bad photo

The hawk was in the yard this morning..I shooed him away

 My granddaughter wanting to know why

He eats my birdies...I tell her

Maybe he's hungry, Grandma

hhhhhhmmmmm.....she's a bit like her grandfather, I see

As we were eating our pancakes ,two cardinals 

arrived on the deck, sitting on little Handsome's bowls

boy and girl

My granddaughter, Reagan, liked this

...so did I

25 pounds of sunflower seeds
5 pounds of unsalted peanuts
apple bits and strawberry tops
and it is not enough
... that damn squirrel
He has violated my pumpkins
or was it the possum?
Maybe he'll carve two eyes and a scarry mouth
by Halloween
you think?

My husband looked out of the window and snickered,
Its always the frogs, he said.
What?
Your lineup out there on the deck.
I looked out and saw what he saw.....the fall lineup...a garden stop
yeah, it does look like the frog is guilty....get your hands above your head
Oh ..so much work putting things away, cleaning up....I welcome a good laugh
But you know....that Stafford 

I have been busy gathering things

to wash and to put away 

until next season of growth

ha...growth..this I have done a lot of this season

It must be the added year that turned a decade for me

Things are in some ways simpler...

I don't worry about this or that anymore

not even in the garden

I have let myself become completely wild

falling in love at every turn of my foot in the garden

Why just this morning I spotted this little cosmos

peeking its head out of the asters

I SEE YOU...I whispered

Oh, it heard me

can't you see its smile?

The geese honked overhead just as I whispered this

to the little flower so brave and true to itself

I looked up and waved

wished them a happy journey

soon I will travel to another place

may I find my voice yet again

maybe even honk a little

So much to do this week

but I must tend to the garden first

It is quickly coming to an end

and all the ladies in this chorus line are doing their thing

It is almost a wild party in the garden

every flower and plant throwing out its last hurrah

before standing naked in leaves

feet frozen to the ground

waiting for a blanket of white

to cover them 

I heard that we are going to have a repeat of last winter

urgh!

..better stock up on birdeseed

I told you I have lots to do...now one more thing just added to my list

wild party in garden

flinging leaves and last flowers

I partner in dance

walking around the garden this morning

the ground covered in wet leaves

I heard an unfamiliar, for here anyway,

the call of a Blue Jay

Do you think it had anything to do with the peanuts

I put out this morning before walking?

How did that rascal spot them so soon?

I followed the sound

and yes, it was a Blue Jay

flying away with his beak full of peanuts

JOY