the corner of my lips moved to an almost smile as I saw the little squirrel
outside my door this morning munching away on my gifts of seeds and peanuts
unaware of the giving
and I aware of the reason they come
a reminder of ordinary joy

...and it is a fact
that the garden can comfort in different ways
reflect on the outside how you feel on the inside
lost abandoned frightened alone
an ill wind blowing your parts around
it is good that the garden can speak
the unspeakable
why it would be a sin for flowers to bloom now

This morning I peeked through the shutter and saw the female cardinal
munching on sunflower seeds
How there were any left after yesterday's theft by the rascal squirrel
I'll never know
I guess he must be up the tree with a huge belly ache...not..little fur piggies they are
All I did was to put the bag down for a minute to pick up some garbage
that had blown around the yard...and whammo..off he ran with the bag of seed
This happened to me once before...only it was a paper bag of tulip bulbs!
They were the color of a candy lipstick I used to treasure as a child
a pretty pink stick wrapped in gold foil......ah, I thought...lipstick candy growing in my garden
ha!....off ran the thief with my tulip bulbs...and there wasn't thing I could do about it
except learn...never leave any munchies within sight of a squirrel
Well, I'm glad there were a few seeds left for the cardinal
It was  morning joy to see her.
I'm off to get my haircut today...I am weeks overdue for a cut
oh , I am a sight
I only hope Tom doesn't give me a cut like hers

This is what happens to a squirrel who runs off with the seed bag...
the whole bag!
care to throw a rotten tomato?
tomorrow... ankle bracelet

zinnias
I will have to plant more of them this year,
such butterfly magnets.
Usually I think of this when it is about late July and too late,
...when I see them at public garden displays,
or worse, my neighbor's yard.
Planning...it takes planning
and speaking of this, I have spent a few hours scouring my garden books
yes, garden books in January
I have been searching for some ideas on how to change my garden
I am taking down the deck...don't know why I even put it up-
it separates you from the garden...be done,be gone.

However..I paused.....my animal guide,the old fox,is under there
it's his burial ground....I know because I looked and saw all of his bones
lying in perfect form....like he just laid down and died there..which is what he did.
What do I do about that?
plan around it? Will the landscapers think I'm loco for sure,
after all I am the one who calls them to trim, then stops them when I spot nests in the honeysuckle-
they nod...but I know they think I'm loco.
What will they think when they start to take down the deck and find these bones?
Oh my ...what if they find Handsome's bones or the tortoise shell of my missing turtle?
Oh my...I better do some more thinking and reading.
I wonder if there is a book on this?

Ah, (I say that a lot, don't I?)

ah, a glorious January morning

sunny, blue sky,brisk air

air..so wonderful to walk in

refreshing..what else can I say?

You who live with warmth all the time

you don't know what you are missing

The garden was welcoming this morning,

the ground stiff from freeze as I walked along its path,

a slight crunch under my feet as I stepped on the stiff blades of summer's grass

now asleep

Sleep on

The birds were eager, perching on nearby branches

begging as a high art form
joy....I hear the blue jay, and the chickadees
and just beyond the yard,the goldfinches.
As I filled the feeders and scattered seed on the ground for the mourning doves
I happened upon a rabbit hunched behind the trellis,
he stayed as still as guilt,
not even his nose moving.
How happy I was to see him...he has been absent lately
 from my cast of characters that make my garden home.....
But the wards gathered here this morning on this beautiful January morning
to announce...it's here
winter.....feed us
and keep the water bowl full
Sadly...there will no stray kitty for me to take care of this year

RIP

my beloved Handsome

oh how my heart aches and breaks to see you again

Such a joy to spot an unknown nest in bare branches of trees in wintertime

and the cheerful chickadee dee dee of this wonderful

bird as it darts among the branches of the alder tree

and bunny hiding  :)

and before I go inside to get to work

I stop to notice the morning sun

gliding across the Terra cotta pot

joy

a flash of red in my peripheral vision

Squirrel doing his sun salutation

I stepped inside filled with January morning joy

and the wench is happy

A dusting of snow this morning, and of course the beggars showed up
so I tossed out a handful of seeds-too lazy to put on my coat and fill the feeders.
Yes, lazy...winter does that to me...too often
I heard the weather report...it is going to be in the teens by evening...with bitter winds
and by Friday it may be 50.....what is happening ?
I have this sense of delayed misery....I was agonizing over the inevitable bleakness of winter
as I was standing in the glory of red and yellow leaves...and I have been waiting for it to happen
The garden hasn't really gone to sleep..why there are plants that are still green
and I even scoured the yard for a flower...so ceratin I would find one hiding just under
a cover of green leaves!
Come, oh winter, come
I have prepared my heart for you
Do not make me wait any longer
for I will be vanquished with longing
for your treasures.....that I know you will bring
warm cozy house
good simmering soups
the joy of indoor flowers on my violets and oxalis
come winter come
slay me with your romantic blizzards
your tingling breath in my nostrils as I clear away the path of white
come winter come
I have made way for your return
so come winter come

I like lichen, moss,green stuff on trees.
If I squint a bit I can use my child's eyes and see
as if I were looking out of a helicopter ..looking down seeing the rainforest
yes I could....now if a native steps out and waves...I'm in trouble
But bless the child that still sees and still takes a breath of joy
of secret discovery all her own

oooo! look at the pattern of ice in the garden dish
have you ever wondered ...why such details?
in everything?

humbling, it is

40, and still growing strong

Would you believe that this plant is over 40 years old?
My husband bought it for me in our first year of marriage
when we lived in a tiny furnished apartment....ah those were the good old days
We had a tiny little room in the back...that was always bathed in sunlight
and I loved plants...so quickly it became our plant room....oh the luxury of youth
I recall with sweetness the sweet potato that I stuck into a vase of water....and it grew all around the room
our Landlady was amazed......she couldn't grow or cook a thing
Me...green thumb in my DNA
I lugged those plants around to 5 houses throughout the years
and this is the only one left.....I had a mother in law tongue that I finished off two years ago....leaving her outside too long....oh woe
But, this asparagus fern is well and growing.....my daughters fight over who will get it
Hey, where do you think I'm going?
Once while visiting my son in Laguna Beach, California....I saw that they grew there abundantly
...in his neighborhood...thorns and all.....lovely seeing them growing that way
I often feel sad for plants imprisoned in pots....oh, I know I am a bit of a ditz this way
and cut flowers bother me too...once wrote a whole essay about that
anyway......I love this fern.....this lifelong companion..this reminder of the man who gave it to me
and the 41 years...today...that we enjoy

The garden waits,
as do I, for winter to move in.
We have been teased by warmer than usual weather
and only a brushing of snow,once
and not on Christmas
I left my tray of goodies out on Christmas Eve for my wards
nuts,fat,greens,bread cubes,seeds,berries
my annual Christmas offering to them
In the morning everything was gone
last night I looked out to see a possum sniffing around the dry grasses
I have not forgiven him for killing my squirrel
But I don't know why it happened...maybe my squirrel was sick or injured
and he just happened upon him..sniffing around one night
It is a good thing to let it go...to be part of the garden
and let it go..let it be...let it happen
hard as this is for me to do..I, who want to control my environment sometimes
to become one with the garden...even now... as we wait for winter
some green still showing

dead vines on brick wall
shadows look like skeletons
winter soltice day

It is a dreary day today, gray skies, annoying drizzle
little bird or squirrel activity
and while walking along the muddy garden path
I realized it has really arrived
the time of no color
Humans ,I think,
aren't meant to go through this deprivation
it must have something to do with that darn angel
sent to guard the way in
For surely, this is punishment

Sometimes the garden seems like an assemblage
...a bit of this and that
layered upon layer
until you stand back and say
Oh my!...
even in the last days of autumn

 I went inside

and had fun with the sun

outside

All I could think of this morning
was the line from the movie,Oliver...."More please"
Like hungry orphans my resident wards
showed up early, sitting up and begging on the deck
not 9 of them(thinking of you Witch)...only 3 this time
I threw out a few peanuts and some low carb bread
they scampered quickly to grab what they could and headed to the safety of the branch
As you can see we had a dusting of snow
....a reminder that it begins:
winter

 

It's like seeing in black in white

...going into the garden

a bit of wheat color here

a shade or two of muted green

dried crumbles of leaves fading fast their autumn colors

Even the sky is white/gray

and the rain only sets the mood

like a cemetary

full of stories

unspoken

I counted nine squirrels just a few feet from my deck

Must be the pumpkins

Now I ask you...is it fair for my squirrel wards

to pass the word?

I don't think so....

It reminded me of the time we had 4 cats

It wasn't bad until we saw them all lined up at the food bowls

yikes...that's a lot of kitty kat

As is 9 squirrels

but gee they are so cute

and my hubby is still in the hospital

what he doesn't see won't hurt him

.....and I won't tell him that I found the birdfeeder heater

either..

well..........the little guys have to drink

after all that pumpkin

cheer and joy

I have needed these little breaks......these walks in the garden

I need to look for joy....

Today it is chilly and the skies are a white gray

not my favorite kind of sky....I could use a heartache blue sky

but I am not the stage manager...so gray sky it is

the ground is wet and in some places muddy...with little footprints

from the grand kids a day or so ago when one of them tripped and knock a tooth loose

....an unexpected trip to the dentist followed

But this morning it is just me

I communed with the garden...quietly praying as I took each step

The garden...the ordinary garden...the ordinary

how I wish every day could be ordinary

But the garden reminds me that even in the depths and ending of autumn

heading into winter...there is life

a sudden discovery of a bloom...surrounded with dried up leaves

leaves...leaves that have released and accepted their fate

returning to the earth to become part of her

The squirrels ...6 of them!...are scurrying about

leaping and jumping.....they always bring a smile to my face

 They have found the pumpkins I put out a day ago

Maybe next spring I will have big yellow blossoms

springing up in secret places....maybe I'll have a pumpkin or two

oh joy...unexpected joy and anticipation

yes, I needed this walk

this ordeinary stroll through barreness

that wasn't really barren at all

but filled with joy