Friday, May 18, 2012

tiny life

Yesterday, in the garden, was a slice of heaven.
I finished potting up my annuals
and planting a few perennials..again
When will I learn....?
But the desire to dig into the earth is strong
So many earthworms
And while digging I came across a grass spider
who would not move but stood his ground
and when I pulled a little more grass
there, I saw it his/hers egg sack
I pushed it over to the defiant spider and it immediately grab it and put its body around it
ah...such love  and drive to perpetuate your kind
It was nursery day in the garden for sure
The purple finches were creating such a racket in the bushes and trees
so many hungry mouths to was a delight of the heart to sit and watch them
But the one that got me..right here
was the tiny sound of a chickadee in the mugos
Could there be a nest?
I moved a branch and peeked in...and low and behold a tiny replica of its parent
a baby chickadee staring me right in the face..about 5inches away
My heart, my breath, my being
I left him alone and went about my business
I ran out of potting soil and made a quick run to the garden center
Like dope
I came home with more flowers....sigh
When I continued my planting of pots around front on the porch/patio
I was stopped by the presence of two tiny new born birds-dead on the sidewalk
oh my heart broke....I was so sad
New life....snuffed out before it could live
and then I broke down and really cried
as it struck me that my little granddaughter  will be such
six more weeks to go before her due date
and we are so sad..heartbroken that she will die
She has Edward's syndrome
I took the little birds around the back to the shade garden
and buried them....mourning their short life
acknowledging  the circle of life that for some is so short
I cared
and God bless my daughter who bares this pain
with love faith and courage


  1. Suz,
    I so wish I was close by to give you a hug!
    You will have to be strong for your daughter, I've never heard of Edwards syndrome but will look it up to understand it more. Thanks for sharing this as I know how hard it must be on you both.
    I ran over a squirrel today driving into town to look at the garden centers for new bushes, plants and just color and smells. It really turned out to be a awful day. I guess life can be like that.
    I still can't shake the fact that it happened, why didn't it just run back the way it came?

    1. I feel your hug and I am so grateful for it...I am wearing down on the brave side of me
      I know what you mean about the squirrel..I ran over one at 50 miles an hour..knew when I couldn't avoid him...oh it bothered me for quite awhile....but I think it was quick..hope yours was....A possum in front of our house was hit one summer and it took an hour for it to die.....I will always remember that poor creature...I brought him to the grass and covered him and stayed with him and prayed for animals all

  2. My thoughts are with you and your brave daughter. My only daughter gave me my first grand-child, beautiful little Charlotte, a year ago, so I can almost imagine how difficult this prognosis must be. You must gather up all the love you'd have lavished on the little girl and spread it over her and her mother as a shield, the moment she is born. Bless you both.

    1. oh thank you so much for your comforting words
      My daughter was devastated
      and depressed for a long time....
      but loving and brave to let her daughter live the life given honor it and to love her
      and the time grows near and I am in a complete funk
      but gardening does help
      or should I say...the garden is a God send
      We are both blessed..thank you

  3. I'm so sorry.....this really breaks my heart and I feel your pain. It doesn't make any sense and yet it happens. I'm sending a hug your way. Just spend as much time with everyone as much as you can. It's one of those things where you wish you could slow time down and fix it all. I know you'll be the best Grandma there is and help out as much as you can for whatever time is given to your family. Hang in there. My thoughts are with your family.

    As for perennials:) I don't think any of us will ever learn. But they add that punch of color that everyone why regret:) Have fun with it all:) A big hug from Tucson.

    1. thank you Chris...I alwyas remember yur early encouraging are a dear
      and no I can't fix this one
      but I have a garden

  4. Such is life and death; accepting what is, doesn't make it any easier to bear. Somehow I think that being gardeners, we are in tune with nature to a degree other people - non gardeners - aren't. I feel that there is a kind of healing emanating from the earth.

    I am so sorry for you and your daughter for the heavy burden you carry.

    1. oh yes,Friko...the garden is healing....
      thank you for your comforting words
      and yes it is heavy

  5. I loved your description of the spider mom. It reminded me of one of the books I read to my kids when they were little, The Lady and the Spider. It was about a gardner and her encounter with a spider, and, you know what? She was a lot like you, a lot like me.

    You know, so often throughout my day, something will remind me of you and your daughter and your tiny grandbaby. And I think of the unfairness, and the sadness and the heartbreak, and my heart aches along with yours. But I also think about your daughter who chose to give this little girl as much life as he could, even though it is so hard on her. You have shown her well I think, through your love and respect of all life and that little one will stay forever a baby angel, never knowing the sadness and pain of the world, only knowing the love that was given her. hugsqueeze...

  6. There are no words for comfort. But you, the God-nature in you, find those words surrounding you. This morning, a prayer for you and your family.

    1. I am comforted by all the good people
      I have met on many wonderful caring souls
      thank you for the prayer...I'll take it
      ...find some more wine bottle labels and give me a good laugh

  7. We had a good friend a few years ago whose little girl also had Edwards syndrome. This precious angel lived for a few months and was such a blessing and a gift to her family for the time that she was here. I admired and respected this family so much, and saw compassion I'd never seen before. Your beautiful post reminded me of that. There truly are angels among us, and your daughter is one of them, who was taught well by another angel, you.

    1. I wish to be able to whisper in her ear that Grandma loves her
      but only God knows how long or if
      thank you Kim...

  8. Replies
    1. oh I felt that hug
      thank you
      thank you for giving

  9. sending love and light
    and bright chickadee hope
    to your unborn grandjewel
    and the mommy who wraps her so
    in living right now.
    peace to you all....peace and comfort
    and grace.
    loving and lifting you,

  10. thank you Jennifer....
    yes she does

  11. thinking of you and your daughter every day.....

  12. Oh my God, Suz. I missed this post. It's so beautiful. Sometimes we see our lives in the mirror of nature's existence and understand our own.
    "God bless your daughter who bares this pain."
    ...and you, who bares the pain of seeing your daughter go through this.

    1. oh you have spoken truth to me


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